From the Cyber Torah Archives

Shabbat Shalom!

Many people have asked me in recent days, with a tone of genuine concern in their voices, "How are you doing, Rabbi? It's kind of a crazy time for you, isn't it?" To which the answer is an emphatic "Yes!" These next few days leading up to Rosh Hashanah are like Final's Week for Rabbis. There is an enormous amount to do on top of all the ordinary tasks that fill up my weeks the rest of the year.

I, like anyone, can get overwhelmed by stress. The pressure does gets to me. Today I was looking at my schedule for this week and telling Carol that there is simply too much to do. I'll have to add an extra five or six days before Rosh Hashanah and she can just forget about seeing me again until after Simkhat Torah. I carry stress in my neck - I am literally an Ish Kshai Oref - a stiff necked person. I feel that stiffness in my neck that I get when I am under pressure.

Once I start to feel stressed, I start to panic. "There's too much to get done- I'll never get through it all on time." I start to get writer's block: "There's no time to write everything and I can ‘t even think of what to write if I did have the time!!!" The stress just makes it worse and I feel more and more out of control. Its an easy trap to fall into.

I had an episode like that this week. After I started to panic, I sat in my chair for a few minutes and tried to collect my thoughts. I realized that it was the middle of the afternoon and that I had not yet davened Minkhah, the afternoon service. I got out my Prayer Book and I prayed.

I realized that I was praying in a perfunctory manner, saying words but not feeling them. I like to quote the saying of our Rabbis that prayer is the service of the heart. I slowed myself down, I began to ask God for help in praying with meaning. I got to the Shma Koleynu prayer - Hear out voice. It is customary to offer personal prayer at this point in the recitation of the Amidah, so I asked God to help me with what was on my mind. "God, please help me find a way to complete all these tasks leading up to the Holy Days. Help me find a way to make these services meaningful for people. Help me deal with all the pressures and all the little crises that arise at busy times like these. Grant me Your strength."

Bahya, in "Duties of the Heart" talks about trust in God. He uses an agricultural example to make his point that God is the source of all and therefore worrying about the future only denies faith in God. When a farmer plants, he or she worries about whether or not the seeds will grow this year. After all, some years there are droughts, other years floods. Yet the truth is that the crops only grow at all because of God's help. We are partners with God in the planting and the sowing, but all depends on God. Our worries and concerns about weather and rain and other external influences are irrelevant. Ultimately, God decides.

This theology applies outside of agricultural arenas. I believe myself to be a talented speaker, but as God said to Moses, "Who gives man speech? Who makes him dumb or deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?" All of our powers and strengths exist in partnership with God. We are intermediaries before the true source of power: The Holy One Blessed Be He. We exist in partnership with God which means we must act in the world. Outcomes occur only with God's help.

I would like to tell you that my faith was so strong that the pain in my neck went away. I would like to tell you that now I know in my heart that it will be fine because it is God's work. I would like to tell you that I felt God's reassuring presence sharing the burden with me and making it possible for me to go on. I would like to tell you all these things, but they are only partially true.

The pressures remain, the pain in my neck still throbs. I'm still going to be running around a little more than I like for the next couple of weeks no matter how much I pray. Yet now I find I can concentrate and I feel more centered. Its hardest for me to feel God at times like this, but forcing myself to at least try and reach out to my Creator helps me remember that I am not alone. Yes, there is a lot to do and a lot of pressure. At the same time, I do have God's support and strength. God is waiting to help me and give me support - all I have to do is remember to ask.